Friday, 9 January 2009

Just a pointer...

It's time for another bitching session. Nothing angry, just a few pointers to those who might be missing something I see. Yes, it's time for another installment of Tips from Nathan.

There are 3 groups I want to address today.

a) If you are not going to beat the traffic off the line, don't weazel your way to the front. You'll only slow traffic down, look like a muppet, and people will know how weak you really are.
b) Don't run reds during peak hour, especially if you are sitting on 7kms/hr. If I catch you 50 metres after you've run a red, then you wont miss the extra 15 seconds you'd lose by waiting at the lights.
c) I don't mind Fakengers; just another strange 'fashion' that will come and go. But if you're riding home from your cushy accounting job, don't pretend your salary depends on the speed and arrogance with which you ride.
d) WEAR A FUCKING HELMET. Unfortunately there are drivers as dumb as you (yes, the world is a messed up place) and no matter how well you reckon you ride, you can't account for the dickhead in the Rangie texting someone.

a) I love a protest as much as the next riot-inspired individual but blocking a busy road during peak hour and yelling freedom slogans at the walls of a most likely empty hotel room doesn't win you any praise with drivers trying to get home, nor with the party you're trying to get to. If you want a cool protest that gets results, come up with something like the Estonian, Latvian and Lithuanian Singing Revolution.

a) What kind of pussy gear ratio have you put on the Q220? 44 x 14 on the lowest gear available is pathetic. I know it weighs the same as a Hummer, but what kind of fairy floss pushers do you expect to ride that bike? I've got quadzillas and I want to be able to use them.

While we're at it, a few extra quick tips:
Garmin- I'm using your GPS in -2 degrees. If it stops working in London I'd rather not be the dude stuck in Lapland with a couple of hungry huskies and no idea where he is.
K-Rudd- Taking Vegemite off the shelves because it has too much salt in it? Oh that's a good idea. Leave cigarettes and alcohol on the shelves; they have no salt in them.


1 comment:

Ash Thomas said...

I'm seeing this become an amusing tradition! How about some life coaching thrown in!